My brother-in-law and I decided we would walk from Ballycastle to Coleraine by every inch of the Coast, instead of sticking to the roads. In those days we would hike in the Mournes, and the Antrim Coast at weekends, and with rationing still a serious consideration, our pack weighed about forty pounds because we had to take nearly everything with us.
It was our habit to eat a prodigious breakfast and a colossal evening meal and only an orange or grapefruit and a bar of black chocolate for lunch – after all Liza owned a sweet shop, so sweet rationing was not a worry. We stayed in YHA hostels which varied tremendously in quality and facilities from the luxury of the new one at Dunluce Castle near the Giant’s Causeway to the hovel at White Park Bay.
We were sitting above White Park Bay, that beautiful stretch of sand, which is now so popular, but then was hardly known except to walkers and locals. The hostel was as primitive as they come, especially the men’s dormitory which was little more than a cottage with a packed earth floor. It was towards evening and we were anticipating the great fry we would soon be sitting down to, probably consisting of eggs, ham or bacon, tinned beans, a steak and the usual potato bread and soda bread, an Irish fry would never be without. The problem was the eggs.
It was my turn to scavenge and I set off up the hill to a small farm. I knocked the back door and politely asked the woman who came if I could buy some eggs. She looked at me very suspiciously and then said she had none. As the place was surrounded by hens I was convinced she was being economical with the truth, but that was that.. I duly reported back to HQ and Ted laughed.
“They think you’re the Ministry man checking up,” he said, adding, “It’s your accent.” To prove the point he then went up and came back with a hat full of eggs.
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1946-50, Hostelling, then
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1946-50, For interest and Conclusions
There was one instance of which I was quietly proud, apart from graduating, that is. I say ‘quietly’ because I never told anyone and had forgotten all about it until now. We were in Second Year Structures and the lecturer was warbling along about testing bridges with strain gauges and how it was essential to set up the system , run a train over the bridge, record the whole business and then shift everything and start again so every structural member of the bridge was tested under a rolling load.. Having come from a recent background of electronics I could see that it was simple to set up a triggering circuit coupled to a wire recorder, (tapes were not in general use then,) and with that system you only had to send the train over twice, once to record, once to check. It seemed so simple.
I went along to the lecturer with the idea and he said it was already on the market, it had been invented the previous year. At the time I was rather pleased with myself. Later I came to two conclusions, and they are the reason for including this here, inventors are always finding someone has beaten them to it and secondly, it is the man with a foot in more than one camp who is most likely to produce the ideas. -
1946-, Irish Politics, Part 2
The most salutary lesson, though, was to come on the ‘Glorious Twelfth’ of July 1949. By this time I had learned that it was referred to as the Glorious Twelfth. An aunt living in Bangor who had borrowed a camera from our next-door neighbour, had unfortunately been rushed to hospital. The neighbours were going on holiday that evening with the result, the camera had to be collected and returned that day. We had a council of war and it was decided that I should cycle to Bangor and fetch it. The reason for the bicycle was that public transport would be packed and it might be quicker by cycle.
As I passed the ‘Field’ at Ballyrobert, which bordered the main Belfast to Bangor road, I saw the Orangemen lying about on the grass enjoying the glorious sunshine, it was indeed a Glorious Twelfth. With much to-ing and fro-ing I collected the camera and headed back to Belfast and all went well until I was on the outskirts of Holywood, a seaside town about five miles from Belfast. These days the road is a wide dual carriageway with at least six lanes and a hard shoulder. In those days it wound picturesquely between overhanging trees and was about wide enough for two cars just to pass in opposite directions, comfortably. Whether it even had footpaths I forget.
I came across the Orangemen on their return journey some half a mile from Holywood and they were marching between cheering crowds to the extent that there was no room to pass on either side. I could hear the strains of the band and way up ahead was a man striding out in his bowler hat, his dark suit and his white gloves, sword to the ready.
The problem was to get the camera to our friends PDQ and as there was no way round, the solution seemed to be to go through. After all I assumed as I was riding on the Queen’s highway I had the right of way. No sooner had the idea presented itself than I acted, but I had hardly advanced more than a couple of ranks before I was being stabbed from behind with a sort of pike, it was a long stained pole topped by a brass emblem like a fleur de lys, which I then recognised as a Deacon Pole, taken from a church pew. This prodding only hurried me on through the ranks and I suspect that as I was the first since the days of King William to have had such gall, I took them all by surprise and got away with it. As I cycled on my way I looked back to discover that the man with the sword had forgotten to put his collar and tie back on since lying in the grass in the hot, hot sun, at the ‘Field’
At the time, I was a student and had a summer job on a building site as part of my training. I was under the supervision of a Clerk of Works (COW) on a sewer contract. The COW was also a Worthy Master of a very influential Orange Lodge and many a time I was asked to leave the office while someone was seeking an audience with the COW and many of the someones were often to be seen in photographs on the front page of our local newspapers, standing importantly in front of some official building. I believe the COW was a person to be deferred to and whose political career was even more extensive than his job.
When I had successfully returned the camera on the Twelfth and was having my evening meal I related the happenings of the day with great amusement and it was greeted by the family in the same vein, not so the COW. Oh dear no!
When I related it to him, smiling as I spoke, slowly his face turned to thunder and he wasn’t kidding either. When I finished he said one sentence with such venom, any thought of him being humorous was out of the question and then he stumped out of the hut and off down the site.
He said,” Prod you with a Deacon pole? Prod you? I’d have stuck the f…..g thing into you so far I’d ‘ve had to put my boot on you to pull it out”. -
1946-50, Irish Politics, Part 1
When deciding to live in Ireland I should have done my homework. It is surprising how completely ignorant I was of the traditions of this country, even though I had lived and worked here for fifteen months. During the war local differences did not seem of the same proportion, dwarfed by the greater disunity. In fact, today, with all the publicity the Troubles have received, the average school child in England probably knows ten times what I did then, so I was unaware of how easy it was to give offence, especially in regions of political correctness. During the war, there had been little time and no real enthusiasm for the panoply of sectarian display and so I had never seen an Orange Procession until 1946. To write about Orangism or Hibernianism has taken others tomes to compile and they are still at it. This outline of my progress in my own education on the subject would appal the Worthy Master of any Orange Lodge.
The members of the immediate family I had married into were not Orangemen and women, they were Unionists and that was all. They had been brought up in those traditions and so every Twelfth of July, known cryptically as the Twelfth, it was imperative they went to the City Centre to watch the Orangemen march off to what is termed the ‘Field’ where they have a rest, a few noggins and an harangue from their leaders, before marching back. What this family of mine did not tell me was the long list of do’s and don’ts surrounding the Order.
For example, in my ignorance I looked upon them in the light of my experiences with the Scouts and the Salvation Army, a group of like minded people, dressed in uniform because it made them feel more like a unit and marching behind a band because it helped to keep them in step. I could not have been more wrong. I looked upon them as flamboyant curiosities, especially when I saw some of the Mace-Bearers cavorting like banshees at the head of the column – wrong again. I equated them to some extent to the Trades Unions when I heard their rhetoric. Wrongggg! I therefore made a number of mistakes from which others told me I could have died and it was a wonder I had got away unscathed.
The processions really are unique for the colour, the sheer numbers taking part, the disparate dress each lodge chooses, from the black bowler hat, black double breasted suit and black shoes, white shirt, white gloves and rolled umbrella, with the leaders carrying an unsheathed sword at the address, down to those in bright blue peaked caps with bright blue pullovers and trousers and tennis shoes. Most lodges carry incredibly beautiful banners on two poles, with staying strings of woven coloured rope held by small children. They often depict King William the Third on a white horse at the battle of the Boyne. This latter specification was mistake number one. In our family, because King W. was at the Boyne, quite naturally therefore he was called Billy the Boyne in our family.
On the day of the first Twelfth I was to see, we all went down to the centre of Town, to Donegal Place, and watched as band after band, banner after banner, passed; the music from one band momentarily mingling with the next. I always wondered at what point in the procession it was impossible to keep in step because of the cacophony from both bands. But I digress.
Linda, now a little over a year old was seated in a pram at the kerb with Sophie behind her, while I was at the back of the crowd because I was tall enough to see over most people and it would have been churlish to have stayed at the front. Suddenly, before I thought of what I was saying, I saw the most beautiful banner of King William on his white horse, and you’ve guessed it, I shouted to Linda to look at ‘Billy-The-Boyne and his white horse. For a second nothing happened and then with one accord most of the people within earshot turned to look at this creature who was blaspheming from the back of the crowd and they were like Queen Victoria, they were not amused. The following year I learned to my cost that one does not cross through the procession even if it does take over an hour to pass one spot, a large pogo-stick is needed, that or a helicopter. -
1946-50, The wonderful University years
The Sweet CheatAt Queen’s I came across a very talented conjurer who was a medical student. I believe that he had sat his finals at least four times. In those days there did not seem to be any limit to the number of chances one had to qualify. The reason for the repeated sittings was that he always passed his written examination but when it came to the Orals, where as the other students had a nominal 15 minutes he was in there for ages while the examiners went over the whole syllabus again.. They were not, like the students, aware of the scam, but they obviously had their suspicions.
When he entered the examination room he would arrive early, find his desk and then scatter granulated sugar in a wide circle so that he would hear the crunch of the invigilator’s feet and have time to palm his cogs before the man was close enough to discover the cheating. Years later he and his wife were the Toast of the Town with their joint conjuring and illusion acts and to be seen regularly on TV.
FISH BY THE HUNDREDStrangford Lough, to my eye at any rate, is one of the most beautiful inland seas I have ever seen with its variety of both wild life and topography, and the extraordinary access to the Irish Sea which is so wonderful to behold when the current is at its fastest. Sitting on a seat near the Ferry pier at Portaferry, watching the ferry and the other craft crabbing, up-stream, half across the tidal race, and then being borne at speed back down, gliding rather than sailing for the far shore is not totally singular to this estuary alone, but it is both uncommon and beautiful to witness. It is like a water-borne ballet.
At Portaferry is a Marine Biological Station affiliated to Queens and it was here that we stayed for a week at the end of Third Year to study the mysteries of triangulation surveying and a better place could not have been found, with the drumlins bordering the water and the clear sights from one side of the Lough to the other, from eminence to tower, from hill to shore. It was a week of hard work, it is true, with a little drinking, a great deal of horse-play, no parenthood – and fish, hundreds of fish
We were camping out at the Biological Station, or that was what it seemed like. With the war just behind us austerity was the order of the day and the accommodation was primitive. We ate at the local hotel and much of the diet seemed to be fish.
One evening four of us rented a boat with fishing rods and lines and were surprised, or perhaps I should say that not being a local and acquainted with sea fishing, I personally was surprised to find the bait consisted of coloured chicken feathers instead of worms or spinners. It was quite late when we set off and the Lough was bathed in a glowing sunset, with the trees and castle on the Strangford side silhouetted against the dying sun.
We left from the small slipway just South of where the Ferry-port is now and were careful to inch along close to the shore for fear of becoming embroiled with the whirlpools and currents of the race. Two rowed and two fished. Both were done in a desultory way because we were out for a relaxed row more than anything, fishing was an adjunct to keep the passengers happy, until, that is, the patron saint of fishermen, or maybe St Jude, the patron saint of the afflicted, took a hand just as I lifted the rod. From then on it was carnage. It didn’t start out that way, there were a few fish, often more than one at a time on the line, and then suddenly as far as they were concerned, it was as if I was offering a little something the others didn’t have, my feathers, clearly, were better than sliced bread.
I was catching lythe, a form of pollack; mackerel and a fish known locally as blochan, but I suspect it too, was a sort of pollack. I had reached a catch of about fifty, but the rowers were insistent we should see how many we could catch. I stopped at one hundred, I felt we had been excessive, but in those days fish were there to be caught and the word environment had not the hallowed meaning it has today.
We allowed the tidal race to float us back to the pier with very little effort from the oars and there, we were met by the fisherman from whom we had hired the boat. When he asked us what we wanted to do with the catch, in our magnanimity we told him he could do with it what he wished and then we headed for the hotel bar and the fishing story we had been honing ever since we had stopped rowing.
With my stories there is always a rider, in this case it was the uncouth remarks of the other students, couched in earthy terms, which put the final touch to the evening. When I, and my companions, started telling of our piscatorial exploits we were nearly lynched. We, or maybe I, had been stupid. I had not thought of the possibility that the fisherman would immediately try to sell our catch to the hotelier at a discount, ensuring yet more fish on the menu. -
1946-50, The wonderful University years Part 4
The following year, before I realised what was happening, I became embroiled through offering an opinion, something which always heralds trouble. Some of the men were wondering what sort of show to put on, I had said that every year there was the same procession and we should be putting on a static show of some sort, slap stick, something to gather the crowds and collect more money, provide ourselves with a captive audience. To cut a long argument short I was inveigled to join another ex-serviceman in An Olde Time Boxing Match. We were to wear combinations, I was to black my face and wear a Fez, I was the Great Mustapha. He was the British challenger – five foot nothing of cheeky chappy.
As part of the procession we set off with our seconds and marched from the University to the centre of High Street, there was an open space left by the demolition of buildings which had been bombed during the Belfast Blitz.. In the meantime some of the gang went ahead and set up a ring.
The performance predictably followed the usual circus ring craft, although we were probably not as crafty. A lot of water was thrown about, punches were thrown and of course, Mustapha must-ave-a beating – which he duly received. To finish it all off, absolutely cold sober, but with adrenaline running high, I obtained a crate and, standing on it in the middle of the main thoroughfare, brought Belfast to a halt with community singing.
When I arrived home, soberly dressed, sat down for the evening meal and when everyone else was gathered, Liza, my Mother-in-law, started to tell how she had been in Town, how the students were gathered in High Street and there was this idiot, standing on a box in his underwear and black face, holding up the traffic and conducting the crowd in a singsong. It was some time before I enlightened her who the idiot was. In the cold light of day and without the stimulus of adrenaline, I agreed with her, he was an idiot. -
1946-50, The wonderful years at University,Part 2
THE TRIALS OF PARENTHOOD,
They tell me the purpose of university life over other modes of education is that it broadens the mind as well as the backside, the latter from hours of sitting in the Stack, mugging. In the first year Linda was too young to know she even had a father so I was able to take part in a lot of what went on in the college, but with time, her needs and those of Sophie were greater and as they came first, something had to give and rowing was the first to go.
Loving boats I naturally joined the Rowing Club and became a Fresher Oarsman, the lowest in the pecking order. We had racing shells and practice shells, these were the boats with the sliding seats and out-rigged rollocks similar to those used on the Thames on Boat Race Day. Then we had rowing boats variously termed the tubs or the punts in which we, the raw recruits, were trained, but the problem was that the people who were to teach us lowly creatures were also part of the first and second eights, so we had to wait until it suited them to teach us, after they had had their own spell of practice, and that could be anything up to four hours later, during which time one did nothing but chat in a desultory fashion.
There were other sides to rowing like going to the pub and watching a certain member chew wine glasses for a bet, but by and large apprenticeship in rowing like apprenticeship in anything else was merely a matter of learning to like being a dog’s-body and, at the age of twenty four years I found it hard. I graduated to rowing Bow, that is the oarsman farthest from the Cox, (perhaps it was something I said, or maybe some other reason), and I loved it, but it still entailed waiting nearly all day for the chance to get out in the boat. Why, you might reasonably ask, did you not clear off about your business and return four hours later? A sound question but unfortunately it does not take into account the vagaries of human nature. With only a few eights and as many tubs and a hoard of would-be Rowing Blues, there was strong competition for places and it could well be that the whole organisation of the afternoon took place just when you weren’t there.
I enjoyed those days on the river, I was tall which was good, I could handle an oar, which was essential and I was keen. When the tide was in we would row right down to Belfast Harbour, other times we went up as far as the weir and down to another, but the real pleasure was all in the rhythm. When everything was going well there was a poetry about the way the boat responded and we responded to it, which has to be experienced to be appreciated.
Alas, while the youngsters could relax in the boathouse, I had plumbing and paving and presents for the parties on my mind and worse, on my conscience. With the deepest regret I gave up after a year.
In second year we began to find our feet and in due time Rag Day came round when students commit mayhem and for some reason they get away with it. I was still cautious and not a little conscious of my advanced age, so I opted for the coward’s way out, collecting door to door in the morning and just making up the numbers in the afternoon. I was allocated a rather wealthy part of town and found that the greatest part of the job was walking up miles of driveways for a token pittance.
I knocked on one door and a strange young, married lady opened it, when I shook the tin she explained she hadn’t her bag and I should go round to the side entrance which I did, mystified nonetheless. In due course the side door opened and to offer the tin I would have had to enter the hall. When I left for the Navy my mother warned me never to enter a compartment where there was a woman on her own, and then she went on to lay out all the options open to the girl, none of which was in my interest. With this warning I stood at the door, arm and tin outstretched. With a strangely arch smile she offered me coffee inside. I refused.
When I returned to my mates I was chided for being chicken. -
1946-50, The wonderful University years, Part 1
HOW SCHOOLS CAN MOULD CHARACTER When I was on board a corvette in Belfast Harbour, talking to the wireless operator while repairing a set, an officer stuck his head into the office and said “Williams…” and then he stopped.
“I thought you were Williams, ” he said, “You sound just like him.” I smiled, he left and I got on with the job. Then Williams turned up. I discovered I knew him, he had been in my class at school. It was strange meeting him under those circumstances, and later, thinking about what had happened it led me to believe that schools have a stronger moulding influence on their pupils than they are credited with.
In our school, situated as it was in the heartland of the cockney accent, every Friday during a pupil’s first term, all the new entrants were gathered together and taught phonetics and what amounted to elocution. We mimicked the vowels, the consonants, silly phrases about cows, peas and pace which stressed the difference between what was said inside and outside the school. We mimicked the master, Oxbridge to the teeth, so we too were now receiving an Oxbridge slant.
To extend the theme of mass moulding even further, both geographically and educationally, when I started at Queens there were only a few English students, most were Northern Irish with just a smattering of foreigners and members of the Commonwealth. Out of forty of us I believe there were something like fifteen of us who were ex-service, many married, some with children, all on grants, all with only one chance, no second bites of the cherry, all ambitious with ground to make up, all studying like mad. For the rest, they were straight from school and within a few weeks they found we were a force to be reckoned with.
>From my perspective as an outsider, both from origin and age, I discovered unconsciously that the men and women who had come straight from school seemed to fall into categories conditioned by their schooling. Their attributes and outlooks seemed the same within each group and yet so disparate group by group. Without being specific, there were schools which produced people who were relatively innocent to a point of being almost naive. One group could have been classed as puppyish; another had the insouciance of the English Public School. There were some who had suffered such a strict and rigid regime that now they were out from under the repressive supervision, they did not seem to know quite what to do with their freedom. There was a tough crowd, polite but hardy, nothing would get past them and there were others who seemed so reserved as to be non-existent.
To generalise is unfair to the individual, and probably many would not agree with my assessment. However, the fact that I have convinced myself that I discovered this apparent segregation in attitude and approach, and that I believed it to be true at the time, must say something for the mass moulding of character and the responsibility the teacher has for the end product of his school. -
1946-50, Study and the Benzedrine pill
There is something seriously wrong with my brain, I have known it for years and first came across the trouble when I started the cram course preparatory to entering the Entrance Examination for Queen’s. I can’t be taught, I much prefer to read books and find out for myself. Whether, as I suspect, the droning of another voice hypnotises me, or whether I just nod off, all I know is I tend to get on better on my own. This attitude does not go down to well in academic quarters, for example, that paragon of all virtues, patience personified, that teacher above all teachers, Sophie, was a bit miffed when I found it easier to teach myself French than avail myself of her renowned accomplishments, although I did allow her to correct my exercises..
The guy I went to for a cram, who had a classroom over the Fifty Bob Tailors at the Junction in Belfast, was also none too pleased when another student and I started to teach him mathematics instead of the reverse. In Sophie’s case I realised that most of what I had to learn was pure memory and it was a waste of her time to sit at my shoulder as one would a child, revision is not like that. In the case of the Crammer, he was so far behind current day thinking in mathematics, he was practically using the abacus to calculate what we owed him in fees.
This other student was a real character, he was doing the same exam as I because he had been in the Naval Commandos and been demobbed at roughly the same time. We would only meet at the Crammers’ and then go for a drink afterwards. We discussed our relative careers at first and when that palled we worked at examples we were sure the Crammer was making a mess of.
Slowly the time drew near, we were both working hard and comparing notes when we met, and on one occasion he showed me some Benzedrine tablets he had which were left over from beach-landings he had taken part in. He was using them from time to time so he could study through the night without sleep. I warned against it without success, in my case I was merely resorting to coffee and tobacco.
The day of the Exam dawned and I entered the world of the university for the first time. We were to sit in the Great Hall, an old part of the building with darkened oak or mahogany woodwork, stained-glass windows and a gnarled, stained, wooden floor. The little desks were in rows in isolation. The atmosphere was what I had anticipated, austere and not a little intimidating. I think for the short time I was seated before we opened the papers, I was mesmerised just by being there, in a place I knew all my family in England would revere. Sophie had trod those boards two years earlier. We had been given examination numbers and when I looked across to where I expected to see my friend his desk was empty and stayed so. I found later he had succumbed to the Benzedrine and when he should have been at Queens he was in hospital. I have said he was a character, that is true, he was larger than life and when his name hit the headlines in Northern Ireland it only went to prove the point. Failing to get into Queen’s he had left and gone to the rigorous climes of Northern Canada and it was there he walked for days in the harshest conditions of blizzards and ice, without food, to fetch help when he and some of his work mates had been involved in an accident. The feat was so extraordinary it was even carried in the press here. -
1946-50, Army Documentation
When I started the job I forgot the one lesson I had learned in the Navy which stated ‘what was good enough for Nelson is good enough for me’, which being translated means, since Wolf took Quebec, we have arrived here by trial and error, mainly error, so don’t tinker. I tinkered and the Army suffered. Perhaps that saying should be in poker-work over the bed of every ambitious politician.
My boss was another demobee called Captain Something-or-other, let us call him Captain Small. He had been a captain in the army but like me was also an HO and so not really entitled to the title, if you follow me, but insisted on it nonetheless, which was a comment in itself. It was he who explained the archaic documentation system and my role. I really think the problem stemmed from it being too easy. I was not under enough pressure, I had too much time to think and criticise. The ‘idle hands’ syndrome.
Each soldier had about six record sheets which set out every imaginable action he had performed or which had been performed on him during his service career, from arriving late on parade to having his appendix out. These were kept by me, alphabetically, in separate books, and when he arrived and when he left I had to note the fact on practically every sheet. All the records of a group of soldiers would arrive together, I marked them all, put them in the separate books, and so on in reverse when they left. As it was a ‘Holding Unit’ people came and went like sales-reps at a convention hotel, here today and gone tomorrow.
I thought the whole business was a bloody waste of time for everyone and promptly went about changing it. As every sheet had to be annotated with all comings and goings of the man, it occurred to me that an envelope with his vital statistics and his arrival and departure on the outside would mean only two notes, one on arrival, and one on leaving, would be sufficient. Obvious to anyone, but unfortunately Captain Small could see my point of view, poor deluded fool that he was. He was too easily persuaded
Within a week I had scrapped the cumbersome books, introduced the envelope system with everything one normally required on the outside and the sheets within, one envelope per soldier. I sat back feeling virtuous and smug. Unfortunately I was now the poor deluded fool. I had omitted to take into account one vital consideration, namely the inherent laziness of the regular serviceman and the fact you can’t beat the system – any system.
The various men from the different departments who required the records were, according to my scheme, supposed to take the whole envelope, leave a slip which had been provided, which would tell me when and by whom it had been removed. That was too difficult, instead they took the single sheet, gave no indication where it was, with the result that panic reigned by the time the first batch were ready for departure. Many of the envelopes were nearly empty and so commenced the Great Paper Chase.
In the end I had to revert to the old, tried and trusted system and by the time I left to take up my studies once more, the Army was still in a state of shock and minor chaos. Good intentions are never enough without hindsight and experience. Oh! If only the current wave of shakers and movers in The Palace of Westminster had been at Palace Barracks when I was there, how different things might be today.