I have noticed over the last seven or eight years that the number of people owning dogs has reduced, and that every year the size of the dogs seems to reduce also, presumably because there are no parks for the large ones to romp on, that the regulations concerning dogs on a lead have become more stringent and more enforced, and the little ones only need a short walk, have a lot less fur and cost less to feed. I wonder if the small dogs are as much fun, as highly manipulative, as intelligent as their big counterparts, like the Border Collies and the Golden Retrievers. My daughter has a very manipulative, charming and almost human Border Collie. Whether the dog will approve of being referred to as ‘almost human’ is a debatable point. Just for a bit of fun I wrote doggerel as if written by my daughter’s sheepdog, a bitch, would you believe called Charlie?
Doggerel From A Dog
I have some pals of the canine kind,
Who think the humans an awful bind
By the things they do and the things they say;
They leave me speechless, in dismay
Of ever understanding them.
Take my name just as a sample,
Not for a bloke! But an armful
Of furry friendship, love and joy?
Absurd, an idiotic ploy.
There is no understanding
O f course we know we’ve got them taped
Our silly grin they think we’ve aped
>From them, when we’re really focused
On food, a walk, not hocus-pocus.
How can they be so stupid?
Doesn’t do a bit of harm
To rub your ear along their arm.
They think it’s love, not just an itch.
The jokes on them and ain’t it rich?
I suppose they are born stupid.
Their baby talk I cannot stand,
I’m 90 years old in doggy land
Treating me as if only born
To all that awful verbal corn,
I’ll be stupid next!
Still, it’s not a life to be changed
One meal a day, and all arranged
The way I like it, I could do worse
Perhaps by complaining in verse.
Maybe it’s me that is stupid!